Month of explanation.

Okay, so I have been really pissing myself off with the fact that I haven't written a blog post since the Allday interview. Which was an entire month ago. I really needed to keep that momentum going, and I just really didn't. The last month has really taken it out of me. 

I want to be personal with this blog, because that's what draws me to other blogs. But at the same time, I really don't want to seem to melodramatic. So I'll keep this fairly 'light' hey?

This time 1 month ago, I didn't suspect a thing, everything was normal, and I thought I was content, so the change of the last month has been a really bizarre one for me to wrap my head around. My life has subtly, but surely changed entirely.

I came out of a really serious relationship, which I guess was the main factor into everything spiralling out of control. I had holidays so I was able to distract myself, and focus a lot more on other things, including this blog (organising exciting - for me at least - things coming soon), but then I had to return to school. It's our last term ever, so I guess everyone is a bit antsy and bitchy. Going back to school was difficult mainly because it was a quick snap back to reality...I couldn't hide myself from my emotions like I had over holidays because I had to face certain people everyday.

I don't like to mention this because I find it a little bit tedious how much it's spoken about (don't get me wrong, it's a serious issue, but I feel like my suffering of it is hardly anything compared to what other people deal with, so I shouldn't complain...) but I think it might be stress induced anxiety. I get really really tense. And usually I can relieve this tension by just taking some time out, writing, listening to music, anything. But last week it all got a bit too tense and was fairly overwhelming, and I just felt very very very lonely because of it. And unfortunately, I didn't put my emotions or energy into writing when I really should have been.

It was a really shit period of time. But things started looking up, the whole situation really opened my eyes to who and what was really important in my life, and I managed to come across new people, new experiences and new distractions. Although I do realise I am repressing my emotions a little bit, I think moving forward is the best thing for me to do for myself. I have to put myself first for a little while, and this is how I'm doing it.

I contemplated not putting this up, because it is pretty lame. But I don't think it is reasonable for me to disappear from this blog for a month without an explanation. 

So enough of this bullshit, I'm going to start writing. 

- Stella xxx